The Energy I Lend: Navigating Expectations When My Nature is Quieter

Photo by Annie Spratt (@anniespratt)

It’s May, and the world outside is bursting with a kind of insistent energy. Everything feels vibrant and alive, pushing up and out, demanding to be noticed. I find myself feeling a similar pull at work, a gentle but persistent expectation to mirror that outward vitality.

Lately, I've been sitting with a particular tension, something many of us probably feel but rarely put into words. It's the quiet hum of knowing that to advance, to be seen as a leader, to move forward professionally, I’m often expected to perform extroversion. Not just to be competent, mind you, but to be visibly, audibly, and consistently present in a way that often feels contrary to my natural inclination.

The Undeniable Pull to Shine Brighter

I value connection. I truly do. I enjoy collaborating, seeing others succeed, and contributing my best work. But my "best work" often comes from a place of thoughtful processing, from quiet observation, from connecting with people one-on-one rather than commanding a room. Yet, the professional landscape often rewards the quick interjection, the charismatic presentation, the spontaneous networking.

I watch younger colleagues, full of that sparkling, outward energy, and I admire it. I truly do. But when I try to replicate it, it feels like putting on a costume. It’s not that I can’t do it – I’ve learned to present, to lead meetings, to speak up. But it’s an energy I *lend* from a finite reserve, not one that bubbles up effortlessly.

After a day of lending that energy, of performing a brightness that isn’t my default setting, I often come home feeling a profound, unique kind of weariness. My husband, bless his heart, doesn’t always quite grasp it. Our adult daughter, though, she understands—she sees the quiet sigh that accompanies the untying of my work shoes.

A Deeper Knowing

I find myself praying about it sometimes, a simple, un-pious whisper as I drive home. "Lord, you know my heart. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar." It’s a comfort to know that even when the world asks for a louder version of me, I am seen and known fully by my Maker. He understands the quiet places within.

It’s not a question of right or wrong. The world needs its vibrant extroverts, just as it needs its thoughtful introverts. Both bring invaluable gifts. The challenge, I suppose, is navigating a system that often seems designed to amplify one over the other, especially when it comes to professional growth.

There are days I feel a little guilty, wondering if I'm holding myself back by not leaning into that external performance more consistently. Then there are days I feel a quiet strength, a resilience in simply being myself, doing good work, and trusting that genuine contribution will eventually speak for itself, even if it’s a whisper rather than a shout.

The truth is, I’m good at what I do. My quiet nature often means I notice details others miss, listen with a deeper ear, and approach challenges with a calm steadiness. These are strengths, aren’t they? And yet, the underlying narrative often suggests they need to be packaged with a louder, more assertive wrapper.

Finding My Pace

So, I keep going. I give the presentations, attend the networking events, and make the conscious effort to "be seen." But I also fiercely protect my quiet moments—a cup of tea on the porch before the house wakes up, a few pages in a book before bed, the peaceful drive home listening to a familiar song. These are the moments I replenish the energy I’ve lent, the breath I take to be my true self again.

It's a delicate balance, isn't it? This dance between who we are and who we feel we need to be to simply keep moving forward. I wonder if you’ve felt it too, this quiet tax on your spirit, this unspoken expectation to perform a version of yourself that, while capable, isn't quite the whole story.

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