The Advice I Gave My Daughter That I Wish I’d Taken Myself at Her Age

A moment of reflection — Photo by Sara Bertoni (@sara.bho)

These long, bright days of early summer always invite a bit of introspection, don't they? With the world feeling a little lighter and the pace perhaps just a touch slower, my mind often wanders. Lately, it’s been wandering to my daughter, now navigating her own early twenties, and the quiet guidance I try to offer her.

You know, the kind of advice you dispense with a knowing nod, hoping she truly hears it, not just with her ears, but deep in her bones. The funny thing is, the advice that tumbles out most naturally is almost always the very wisdom I wish I’d had the courage or clarity to embrace myself, back when I was her age.

"You don't have to be everything to everyone, all the time."

That's often my refrain. And honestly, it’s a direct transmission from a younger me, exhausted and trying to juggle a thousand spinning plates. I was so caught up in the hustle then. The need to prove myself, to say ‘yes’ to every opportunity, to be the perfect student, friend, nascent professional. My worth felt tied to my output, to the visible evidence of my effort.

My introverted self was constantly battling the pressure to perform, to engage, to be on. I'd often override those quiet nudges for rest, for solitude, for simply being. I remember thinking that if I just worked harder, if I just pushed a little more, everything would fall into place. I believed God's plan probably involved me doing all the heavy lifting myself, then asking for His blessing on my exhaustive efforts.

Oh, the grace of hindsight! The gentle, firm truth I’ve learned over the years—often the hard way—is that peace isn’t found in perfect execution or endless striving. It's often found in the quiet surrender, in trusting that the path laid out for us doesn't always demand our constant, frantic rearrangement. Sometimes, it just asks for our presence, our listening heart, and the wisdom to know when to pull back and recharge.

Watching my daughter now, I see her thoughtfulness. I see her setting boundaries, sometimes gracefully, sometimes with a bit of a wobble, but she does it. She’s learning to listen to her own rhythms, to honor her quiet nature, to seek out spaces that truly nourish her spirit rather than drain it. She understands, in a way I didn't truly grasp until much later, that her worth isn't measured by her busyness, but by the thoughtful, intentional way she moves through the world, rooted in who she is and whose she is.

It's a beautiful thing to witness. And it’s a quiet testament to how God uses our own winding journeys to equip us to light the path for those who follow. Sometimes, the best advice we give isn't just for them; it's a tender reminder to ourselves of the lessons we're still learning.

What's a piece of wisdom you've shared with your children that you wish you could have whispered to your younger self?